“Sample Paper # 2
critique”
For my critique I chose sample paper # 2. One of the first
things which caught my attention is the actual thesis. I see where in the
introduction, there are a couple of sentences which could have been implemented
into the thesis. First paragraph(intro) sounds and looks like a good start.
However, as the second paragraph and each paragraph thereafter begins, it gives
a topic sentence then seem to give more of a summary of the story instead of
giving evidence and analyzing the evidence. The writer seems to stay consistently
unfocused then talks about the topic. Also, I noticed there was not much evidence of
where the information was found and I did not find a transitional sentence at
the end of the paragraph.
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